Fuckbois are the root of every problem. No really.
Its about what they stand for. Fuckbois are nothing new. They’ve been around for centuries. There is a historical precedent of male archetypes that are vehicles for the reproduction of violence against women. Take for example: playboys, ladies men, pimps, etc. These are glorified. Why? Do you know what a pimp is?! It is someone who profits from the exploitation and commodification of the exchange of money for another person’s body. This is problematic. Fuckbois are the new trend. It’s the way people are excusing behavior that society has facilitated wherein men get an extended adolescence and their violence is waived off. From extreme physical violence to more subtle microagressions, it all reproduces violent male entitlement and patriarchal toxic masculinity. It’s the Donald Trumps and the Brock Turners.
Now don’t get me wrong. White privilege and white racial framework is fundamentally intertwined into the systematic violence against women especially women or color [link about this will come shortly]. Right now I’m focusing on toxic masculinity. Also I’m speaking from my experience and opinion. This is not gospel. This is processing personal traumas with regard to institiona framework
The anatomy of violent male archetypes:
They don’t respect your no:
this is subtle and insidious. Maybe you’re tired and he says stay up longer. Maybe you say you’re good with that last drink and he says have another and serves you. In isolation these are not horrible. They are red flags. If you find that your “no” is not the end of a discussion but a starting point for negotiation too often then that is not okay. That’s not free and explicit choice. (A post about red flags and deal breakers to come shortly). This is an exercise of power. This back hand comes with centuries of male domination behind it.
the double standard:
there’s things they can do and say that you can’t. That’s problematic. That’s not equitable. Like “no.”
the sales pitch:
they have the audicity to talk their way into your sanctuary and convince you that you need them.
Fun fact: you don’t need them.
These archetypes are good salesmen. They could sell you the clothes off your back. In fact the man who assaulted me in october 2016 was actually a salesman and actually said he could sell me the clothes off my back. See, they are like rats and roaches, they’ll get in to your temple of a body and altar of a mind through any crack. They’ll feed off any crumb of insecurity and vulnerability and use it against you. They’ll widen the crack and act like the glue when the truth is they are the problem not the solution.
maybe the most insidious part of the violent male anatomy. Reminder just like exploiters have made a professional career out of preying on young vulnerable girls, abusers, violent males, are the same they are hunters. How do you think donald trump got this far? That’s no accident. He’s good at pretending. They all are. They can play the part and tell you what you want to hear and do all the right things hoping you won’t see through it and be alarmed by the red flags. They’ll hold you while you have a panic attack and give you the illusion of safety. That’s insidious and that’s malice.
But society will chalk it up to “boys will be boys” and “that’s a Fuckboi for you” and “what did you expect from a ladies man” “he’s a player, didn’t you know.” Well society these are the Brock turners, these are the abusers and the rapists. They’ve made their nest while you’ve been busy telling us to know better and teaching us to excuse their behavior. I’m here to tell you I’m not doing it any longer. For every rapist you enable, we’ll empower another survivor. No more casualties, no more collateral damage, no more poison in our veins, heart, soul, mind, body.
this list is not comprehensive.
This is soul vexing – this is how fuckbois are soul sucking.