Intimacy

I want intimacy

No –

not sex.

See that’s the problem:

we have made intimacy and sex the same

A dichotomy exists where there’s only empty fucking or love making

But I want intimacy

Intimacy: noun; closeness

I want closeness

What is closeness

A safe togetherness

Beyond physical closeness

A closeness of mind and spirit and emotion and vibes

Closeness is comfort

I want comfort

I want to laugh with my head thrown back

I want to experience true euphoria

To be carefree and safe in someone’s arms

To have moments of joy become a way of life, an expression of being that comes from the happiness of two people coexisting in harmony with each other

Closeness is support

To be supported emotionally when I am all the way in my feelings, someone to talk it out and validate and normalize, match my emotion and then check in with me

To be supported physically when I am ill or injured or too stressed to take care of myself – to keep me in check about my self care and basic needs, someone who does not let me fall into unhealthy habits,

To be supported in life with decisions, someone who meets me with logic and reason and rationality with regard to who I am and what matters to me and what my experiences are

Closeness is being known

I want someone to know me

Not just what my job is or what my politics or family histories are

I want someone to KNOW me

To know how my mind works

To know how I cope with life

How I manage stress

I want someone to know how to handle me with just the right care

To know all the ways that I am strong and all the ways I am fragile

To know how to hold me when my job gets tough or when a call from home is too much

To know what I do, my job my life

To know day to day what my life looks like

To know why, to know my motivations

They should know me so well that they could write my personal statement for grad school

To know who is in my life and why

To know what my relationships look like and sound like

To know what I have been through

Closeness is being heard

I want someone to fucking hear me

When I express my needs and speak on how I want to be loved and treated and cared for that they will listen to what the fuck I just said

I want to be heard

To be taken seriously

To be valued

To be equal

To be respected

Closeness is connection

I want someone to share their life with me

To know about their traumas and joys and sorrows and rages and fears and vulnerabilities and strengths

To know about their day

To know about their job, what their life looks like day to day

To know about their family in all its health and dysfunction

To know their motivations and drives and hopes and dreams

I want someone to feel comfort with me

To tell me what they need from me

To tell me about the dumb thought they had on the way home

Closeness is thoughtful

I want to be thought of

To know that I pop in their thoughts because I am important to them

I want someone to think of me when I am far and when I am near

To be thought of as we sit in my car together so they reach for my hand

I want someone to want me close to them physically and emotionally

Why is this important? Because it should just happen

I am not asking a lot

When someone is emotionally healthy they can see this as intimacy, they want this too

And so if they enter into a partnership with me they want all these things

I am not asking of them, I am participating with them

All of these things occur naturally and inherently because we both show up, we are fully fucking present mentally and physically

WE ARE ABLE AND WILLING AND WANTING

We are able: emotionally and mentally we must both have the capacity for this

We are willing: we must both have a capacity for this as well as the willingness to engage in this

We are wanting: not only do we both have the willingness we have desire, we both must crave this from each other

Crave, not ache or yearn, meaning we want this from each other in the way that we recognize as humans we need intimacy but we don’t share space aching for each other

Relationships should not leave you aching

They should want to know about my life, be as interested in me as me in them

They should want to be at my family gatherings and want me at theirs

they should see how I interact with my family and I will see theirs

They’ll know because they’ll be around, do you see how that works? Being present in each other’s life does most of this

I am asking for a healthy relationship. I have the right to that. I want intimacy. I’ve never had that before.

Arieana

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