Do you know how many times a day I fight myself?
What it’s like to be a grown woman running a program fighting feelings of shame for what I’ve been through?
What it’s like to look in my lovers eyes when they ask me to tell them why I’m acting a certain way?
Do you know how ridiculous I feel when I’m triggered and I have walk myself down a list of kids I went to grade school with?
Do you know how infantilizing it is to remind myself to breathe?
Do you think I want this for ever?
Do you think I want to feel like this forever while the people who did this to me go about their lives unbothered?
Do you really think I don’t want to change this situation?
I am healing. And healing is elusive.