Do you know

Do you know how many times a day I fight myself? 

What it’s like to be a grown woman running a program fighting feelings of shame for what I’ve been through? 

What it’s like to look in my lovers eyes when they ask me to tell them why I’m acting a certain way? 

Do you know how ridiculous I feel when I’m triggered and I have walk myself down a list of kids I went to grade school with?

Do you know how infantilizing it is to remind myself to breathe?

Do you think I want this for ever? 

Do you think I want to feel like this forever while the people who did this to me go about their lives unbothered? 

Do you really think I don’t want to change this situation?

I am healing. And healing is elusive. 

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