A Letter to the men who do not care enough

A place to put my rage. Continue reading A Letter to the men who do not care enough

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Do you know

Do you know how many times a day I fight myself?  What it’s like to be a grown woman running a program fighting feelings of shame for what I’ve been through?  What it’s like to look in my lovers eyes when they ask me to tell them why I’m acting a certain way?  Do you know how ridiculous I feel when I’m triggered and I have walk myself down a list of kids I went to grade school with? Do you know how infantilizing it is to remind myself to breathe? Do you think I want this for ever?  Do … Continue reading Do you know

Impasse

Sometimes I wish I did not have the insight that I do. Sometimes I wish I did not understand the panic of my mother to get me away from my father. Sometimes I wish I did not understand the tears my father wept for a daughter he could not figure out how to be there for. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t studied it, understood its pathology, so able to predict its patterns it’s like an experiment. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t chosen to work with it, to humanize each side. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t felt both sides, I hadn’t … Continue reading Impasse

Work

A man at a cafe asked me why I looked so sad I said my job is hard He said describe to me what you do and I’ll tell you what your job is I said In my line of work a lot of people need me They need someone They need help Then with tears in my eyes I said And not everyone makes it Not everyone that needs us will get to meet us We won’t get to everyone And not everyone we get to will make it Some of the people we get to won’t make it … Continue reading Work

Like you did me

I wonder if you studied her curves How I wish you had mine Do you listen when she speaks And get lost in her words Do you cruise through the labyrinth of her mind How I wish you had mine Do you smile when she’s goofy And are you playful in return Do you laugh at her jokes How I wish you had mine Do you hug her tight Till your knuckles are white And do you smell her hair when your face nuzzles on her head because she fits perfectly inside your embrace How I wish you had mine … Continue reading Like you did me

Why we must prioritize the advancement of Black women

  I want to give some context, The 2016 Film Hidden Figures highlights some of the subtle nuanced microaggressions that Black women face every day moment to moment. To hear Mary Jacksons(Janelle Monae’s character) husband talk about oppression the same way we do now in 2016 is sobering and disillusioning I am an observer and will stand corrected as Black women voice their opinion on things this film did well and things it does not However, Hidden Figures gives me an example to draw on that will not put anybody’s personal traumas on display for the sake of advocacy I … Continue reading Why we must prioritize the advancement of Black women

A Day in The Life of an Anger Translator

Alarm blaring The day has not even started and I’m already exhausted Never enough sleep when it’s the soul that’s tired Ancestral trauma carved in my bones My existence nourished from the milk of breasts which have suffered centuries of violence I stand in my closet and stare at my wardrobe Which neutral colored blazer will I pair with my black pants today? I switched out my baggy clothes and backwards hats for social worker sweaters Imposter syndrome at its finest You can still see my tattoos through the sheer button up shirts I open my fridge and pack a … Continue reading A Day in The Life of an Anger Translator

Unconventional love and healing

Crediting David C. Turner III Original Post for the format and 95 percent of the rhetoric and style for this post. “I wish I can tell you the type of things that [clients] experience, the trauma that they have from schools, home, [sexual assault and exploitation] and just the world. I wish we had a better language to articulate this trauma, because this trauma is the reason(s) why they become who they are, and they cause so much harm.” I wish it was acceptable for people to embrace girls of color, the ones that dont “talk nice” and get sent … Continue reading Unconventional love and healing

Trust Issues

Abusers train us to abuse ourselves It’s in the way they get in our head It’s the aftermath, they’re never over The psychological collateral damage from gas lighting lingers You can heal and work on yourself and get to a place where you love yourself But the residual hides in the crevices of your mind In places you don’t often go In the place in your brain that has the file on how to be vulnerable That lingering phantom found a home in that office and redacted all the important information so now you’re sitting there trying to make sense … Continue reading Trust Issues

On the topic of Love

[Disclaimer: this post is not about {healthy} romantic love. I’ve yet to know that.] Love is hard to explain It swirls in your mind into your mouth Beating in your heart like you’ve never taken a breath without it It’s hard to describe Like trying to capture the view of a sunset on a shitty camera phone Like trying to describe your favorite food to someone who’s never tasted it Im going to try to describe and probably fail miserably but hopefully I make you, the reader, think about what love means to you. Think of your sunsets and favorite … Continue reading On the topic of Love

Intimacy

I want intimacy No – not sex. See that’s the problem: we have made intimacy and sex the same A dichotomy exists where there’s only empty fucking or love making But I want intimacy Intimacy: noun; closeness I want closeness What is closeness A safe togetherness Beyond physical closeness A closeness of mind and spirit and emotion and vibes Closeness is comfort I want comfort I want to laugh with my head thrown back I want to experience true euphoria To be carefree and safe in someone’s arms To have moments of joy become a way of life, an expression … Continue reading Intimacy

i’m alive

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual assault Feet to concrete. A thin layer of shoe between me and the cement. Deep breaths. Cold crisp air fills my lungs. The sting of freedom. Running gives me clarity. I feel the strength in my calves pulse as I put one foot in front of the other.   Then the thought of you snakes into my mind the way you slithered into my sanctuary. I try to push it away and keep running but it’s too late now. My chest tightens. I try to keep going. Keep my breathing controlled. Inhale 1,2. Exhale 3,4. Inhale 1,2. … Continue reading i’m alive